SOMEWHERE ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY, MO. – Let me start by saying that none of the advice espoused here is stuff your grandpa or dad haven’t already told you. They told me too, I just didn’t listen. In true millennial fashion, I just need to drop a few hot takes and do not know of a better place to do it than through a screen.

Auto repair shops incite fear in me in a way few people, places, things and circumstances can. They scare me the way Wal-Mart does on the Friday before a summer holiday weekend.

Cars have been a pariah for me since I turned 16-years-old. I have not been able to go a year without a major mechanical issue or some sort of self-inflicted problem. I’ve gone through 4 cars in 11 years and have ended up on the side of Interstate 70 on a cold winter day three times. Here are some simple truths of the gospel of vehicle ownership, according to Nick. May your lives be filled with magnificent miles and positive equity in your investment.

A. KIDS NEED A STAKE IN THE PROCESS – I actually wasn’t a State Farm policy nightmare in my first few years of driving. I had two minor moving violations from ages 16-20. I believe that had something to do with me paying my own insurance premiums. My auto insurance was my first “big boy” bill that I paid every month out of my check I received from cooking for minimum wage at Sonic Drive-In. That gave me an incentive to behave accordingly. However, I did not pay for that 1996 Saturn LS with more than 150,000 miles on it or the 2002 Honda Civic to follow. Both those cars ended up on the side of 70 between Columbia and Kansas City in the college years with burned up engines, the result of low oil and/or fluids.

Even if I somehow strike it rich someday, my dependents will pay their own auto insurance premiums. A step above that would be requiring them to keep track of preventative maintenance and pay for it. Even better – require them to contribute in some fashion to property taxes, the down payment or other costs associated with a car.

My dad and grandpa used to simply say, “s$#@ costs money.” We all have to learn that at some point in our lives. The earlier, the better.

B. DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE – Duh. It’s pretty simple. However, I’ve been around the ringer with alcohol abuse and a few times I was as competent behind the wheel as Sammy Hagar in a 55 mph zone. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Now, I’m a sober Uber driver who takes pride in taking your money to get you home safe at 3 a.m. I have a lot of fun doing it and I help people avoid doing stupid stuff they will regret. No one deserves a trip to the hospital or morgue because of someone else’s actions. And you don’t need a trip to the body shop. Get an Uber or drink on the patio at home. Avoid putting yourself in a perilous position.

C. RESEARCH RELIABILITY – One of my favorite movie personas of all-time is Clint Eastwood’s grizzled, retired union auto worker character in “Gran Torino.” Protectionism seems to be a hot fad in the Trump era, and the President campaigned on bringing opportunities back to cities like Akron and Pittsburgh for the Walt Kowalski’s of the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HE118QFzlTg

Like many folks, I’m sad that there are fewer of those kinds of jobs. However, sometimes it may kill you to buy American. I learned from the preventative maintenance blunders of the past, but I’ve had far more mechanical hiccups with my 2012 Chevy Sonic in miles 55,000-108,000 than I did in the aforementioned 2002 Civic when it had more than 150,000 miles on it.

It was not a whole lot of fun to watch the water pump and blower motor both go out in one of the coldest winters in memory, leaving me without heat and a way to de-frost the windows. I may have been better off buying a Camry with more than 100,000 miles on it than I was with the Sonic at 55,000. Do your homework so that life does not literally give you a lemon. Americans are good at making trucks. But for a guy more concerned with fuel economy than showing off his masculinity, I’ll be looking across the pond on my next vehicle purchase.

D. IF YOU MUST FINANCE: PUT SOMETHING, LITERALLY ANYTHING, DOWN – I’m currently $2,000 upside down on that Sonic. OUCH. Wouldn’t be as much of a problem if I had put $1,000-1,500 down on it now, would it?

A dealership here in Kansas City constantly advertises its “deals” on my favorite classic rock radio station here, and the Dave Ramsey disciple in me cringes every time. Sometimes I have to tune elsewhere for my sanity.

I wanted to make the Sonic the last car I ever finance in my life. Unfortunately, I have my doubts as to whether I can make that a reality. If and when I do finance again, I will try to make some kind of down payment to have something resembling an equity position when I drive off the lot.

E. MILES MATTER – In the Sonic’s defense, the average American drives about 13,000-15,000 miles in a year. I’ve put more than 50,000 miles on that car in two years. When you make decisions about how to use your car, think about how that will impact the depreciation of the vehicle. Should you drive from Kansas City to St. Louis when you could take Amtrak and spend about the same for a ticket as you would on gas? Does Johnny really need to play for the elite soccer team five suburbs away when there is a decent one two suburbs away? If you’re a ride-share driver, are you factoring the true cost of depreciation into your business? I will be thinking a lot more about how I use my car in the future.

F. AMERICA’S INFRASTRUCTURE NEEDS A MAKEOVER – The streets of Kansas City are full of potholes and potcraters. In the fall I was livid when Missouri voters elected not to raise the fuel tax.

I hate paying upwards of $3 a gallon as much as the next guy/gal. But, folks seem to think the government can deliver the same quality today on the same revenue source it had in the early 1990’s. I would be willing to pay a little more for gas if it meant I did not feel like I’m driving on the surface of the moon every day. Roads are one of the functions of government we all seem to agree on. Let’s quit being ignorant about how they’re funded. I think it would be disingenuous to think Kansas City’s potholes aren’t playing a role in the $1,500 estimate I received the other day to put new shocks and struts on the Sonic.